Whimzies: or, a new cast of characters
Nova, non nota delectant.
LONDON, Printed by F. K. and are to be sold by Ambrose Rithirdon at the signe of the Bullshead in Pauls Churchyard. 1631.
PUBLISHED BY F. K.
1. 10. A Keeper
IS an equivocall officer; for if by a Keeper you intend a raunger or forrester, he is a Wildman, or a Woodman, as wee have formerly given him his character. If by him you intend a Iayler, hee is an Ironmonger, whose Iron sides will suffer no compassion to enter. If an Alehousekeeper, his house is the Divels Booth, and himselfe the recetter. If a Keeper of horses at Livery, he is a knave without a Livery; he will put in your hand a lame Palfrey, who will lay your honour in the dust. If a fi ldKeeper, hee is a Night walker, who though he have store of neare Inmates ever about h m, they ever backbite him. Hee imitates the [Page 75] Bellman in his ogge, but wants his bell. If the world doe not bely him, hee will sooner share with a Nightcatcher than descry him. If a Doorekeeper a frequent third day at a taking New play, will make this Collector a Colloguer. If a Shop keeper, deepe oathes, darke shoppes, base wares, false weights have al eady proclaim'd him a civill cunning Impostor. If a Bookekeeper, he may get him frien s, if his Master bee not all the wiser; and improve his owne meanes by change of a figure. But leaving these, give me a good Housekeeper, who onely of all these merits a deserving Character. He preserves that relique of Gentry, the honour of hospitality, and will rather fall, than it should faile. He revives the Black Jack, puts beefe in his pot, makes poore passengers pray for him, [Page 76] his followers to sticke neere him, his Countrey to honour him, his friends to love him, his foes to prayse him. Hee wonders how any one should bee so voyde of pitty as to leave his smoaklesse house in the Countrey, where he ha's his meanes, to riot in the Citie, and estrange himselfe to his riends. Hee conceives for what end he was borne, and keepes hi dayes-account o discharge the old score. Hee affects nothing so much as discr t and welltempered bounty; he admits no injurious thought to lodge within him. How it him to see a full table! Men to eat his meate, to feede thos m n! Hee [...] so low, as to ac [...]w th those bas [...], who preferre [...] pub ate, [...] his oy to become [Page 77] a Liberal dispencer, and to releeve the needy with the fattest portion of his trencher. Competence hee holds the best fortune; and herein hee strives to confine his owne desires. The Sunne of his aymes tends rather to the releefe of others want, than his owne weale; yea he holds the releefe of their want his supreme weale. The Court seldome takes him, but if it doe, he is never taken by it. Hee hath set up his rest, that the place which gave him first being, with meanes to support that being, shall receive what with conveniencie hee may bestow while hee lives in it; with some lasting remembrance of his love when hee departs from it. Hee is generally the pooremans friend, and will suffer no oppressor to nes le neare him. is hee altoge her so pre ise as to admit of no pl asure. [Page 78] Wherefore hee keepes Horses, Hawkes, Hounds, or whatsoever the most free and generous dispositions usually affect: yet shal not his recreations so seaze on him, as to foreslow any usefull Offices in him. Hee divides his day into distinct houres, his houres into devout ta kes. His affabilitie ixt with sweetnesse of bounty, his bounty with alacrity, hath so wonne his family, as no earthly state ca promise more felicity. It is like a wellrigg'd ship; every one knowes their peculiar charge or office: their love unto their mast r makes it no eye service. His Garner is his C untryes Mag zin. If a famine threaten that Coast, hi provision must bee brought forth, purposely to downe the Market. His heart bleeds to see a famish'd soule languish; he will therefore by timely [Page 79] releefe succour him lest hee per h. Hee sets not his aymes on purchasing: it contents him well to preserve what his Ancestors l him. Hee makes even with the World, as hee would with his owne Soule. One principall care counterpoizeth the rest: yea, the more s riously to addresse himselfe to this o ely one, h disvalues all the rest. Neither is there o ght which conferres more true glorie on these deserving actions, than his disesteeme of worl ly praise or popular applause. Hee shuts his ea e when he heares himselfe approv'd, and rejoyces most within him elfe when his deservingest actions are least observed. The Begger or distressed Traveller, hee holds to be his most benefactors, rather than he theirs. He holds it better to give than take, [Page 80] wherefore he acknowledges himselfe their debtor, who petition his almes in this nature. Knocke at his gate, and you shall finde it not surely but civilly guarded; e ter his Court, and you shall see the poore and needy charitably rewarded; Ascend up higher and steppe into his Hall, and you shall read this posie in Capitall Letters inscribed; A PILGRIMES SOLACE IS A CHRISTIANS OFFICE. Suppose Christmas now approaching, the evergreen Ivie trimming and adorning the portalls and partcloses of so frequented a building; the usuall Carolls, to observe antiquitie, cheerefully sounding; and that which is the complement of his inferiour comforts, his Neighbours whom he tenders as members of his owne family, joyne with him in this Consort of [Page 81] mirth and melody. Bu see! T e poore mans comfort is now declining with the old yeare; which fi ls their eyes as full of water, as he is of sicknesse through infirmitie of nature. This Mirror of hospitality now breathes sh rt; it is to be eared he will breath his last. He may leave an Heire to inherit his meanes, but never his minde. Well, funerall blacks are now to bee worne aswell inward as outward; his Sonne mournes least, though hee bee at most cost. It is thought erelong, he will mourne in Scarlet, for vanitie ha's seaz'd on him already, and got him to forsake his Countrey, and forsweare Hospitalitie.